On Letting Them Go

My daughter turned 18 recently. It was a joyful day for her, a bittersweet one for me. While she was so happy at the thought of being an “adult,” I was reminded yet again at how little time I have left before she sets out on her own. How am I going to do this? Be happy for my kids as they fly away? Ignore the pain their absence will bring? I truly don’t know….

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NyQuil & Avoiding Work

January 6 I’m a little groggy this morning. Something set me off last night. I kept coughing and my nose was running. So I got back up out of bed and took some night time NyQuil. Gosh, that stuff knocks me out and the next day I always move about in an almost dreamlike state. I just want to crawl back into bed and I have had two cups of coffee and a walk already….

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Sushi, Lemon Cake & Hugs

January 5 Well, good morning. I am surprisingly chipper, despite having a bit of a rough night last night. We took the kids out for dinner last night to a sushi/Chinese place. Hubby and I had sushi, J had basil chicken, M has avocado sushi and E had orange chicken. E’s dish cost more than any of the others! It is a bummer now that she needs to order full adult meals. Ouch. Dinner cost…

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Earrings & Fiction

January 3 I almost forgot to write today. I set my alarm for six, then did not hear it until hubby nudged me. Turned it off, went back to sleep until about 8, when hubby let me know the coffee was ready. Got up, made a cup, took a sip, then sat on the couch, put a pillow under my head and snoozed for an hour or so. Should have just stayed in bed. Our…

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A Bit Lost

I am a bit lost today. Art magazines are scattered over my bed. Rumpled lilac sheets call me.  “Stay’” they say. Dappled light filters through worn blinds, adding peace to my small room. “Come to the coffee shop,” says my husband. I think on it, tempted. But no, I stay, wrapped in blue flannel, tied at my waist. bare toes peeking over the bed. I sit back against the periwinkle wall, lean into the lost,…

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Learning to Play

I am so happy right now. I am sitting on the dusty brown couch in our RV, wearing my purple hightop Chuck Taylors and tapping away at my laptop. Spotify is playing in my earbuds, creamy bulletproof coffee steaming on the table next to me and my family is around me – writing on their own Nanowrimo projects. Recently, I have rediscovered writing. Now, I have written on and off for quite a long time,…

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Therapy

I dance on air, light as leaves tumbling through the fall sky. Silent shame, cast off in steaming piles, puddles, seeps into the earth. I spilled my secrets. Every thought exposed to the light, dumping the darkness out. It was a heavy load to carry throughout the years. Hidden shame, creeping in corners, sucking my soul; that vampiric energy now gone. Drained deep, I fill with light, lift with falling leaves, and dance.

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Is This A Mid-Life Crisis?

I am in a weird place in my life. I feel as if I am entering into a time of transition. A time of changing paths and exploring new roads. It is scary as hell. I am just so tired. Tired of carrying all the emotional baggage and bullshit that I was trained to do from an early age. Tired of carrying shame and blame that really belongs to someone else. Several someones, to be…

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All That Is Left Is Me

The excuses are gone. I’ve whittled them away, one by one, so all that is left is me.  The internet is fine – I bought two weeks worth here at the campground. The rv is empty – Phil took Ellie to the park and Jacob and Maddie are outside in the sun, practicing their juggling skills. I’ve had my green smoothie. I’ve had a cup of vanilla chai tea with chia seeds and now am…

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Piercing and Sushi

I have admired nose rings since 1981, when I met my friend, Kay, my senior year in high school. Nose rings were not too common back then, but she wore hers proudly and I was suitably impressed. Nose Rings Were Cool I did not have the courage back then to even formulate the thought of wearing one myself, but still thought that it looked way cool. Over the years, piercing has become a lot more…

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